Journey to Kicking THE Habit (Before 30)

 I am SO incredibly tired of smoking. It's not enjoyable any longer (has it ever been?) and I am absolutely MORTIFIED to admit that it has begun taking up so many spaces in my day that it is eating away at my time with my daughter. 

I am almost six months sober (from alcohol) which is an incredible accomplishment that just a handful of months back I did not believe was ever possible. I decided to postpone my farewell to cigarettes because I didn't want to overwhelm myself and lose my drive. Well, here I am, alcohol-free and I am once again convinced that stopping another bad habit I have formed is "impossible." Far from it. I've quit before- for two years straight. And I can do it again- for good.

I am tired of constantly needing to wash my hands and wipe down my face after smoking so I can cuddle S. I am so tired of the stagnant smell on my hands and distant stench on my clothing from cigarettes. I am tired of the effect it has on my self-esteem and anxiety. I am tired of how much time it wastes on my days off at home with my family. I am tired of how it effects my motherhood - 

I do not want to tinge any other memories of S's childhood with cigarettes. They deserve no part in our memories together, not anymore. 

FIVE BIGGEST REASONS FOR QUITTING.

1. FOR STELLA'S HEALTH. 

 Second-hand smoke is toxic and effects her- I see her allergies in effect from it from being at her grandma's and from being in M's truck or laying with him. I want to begin to put a stop to that exposure. It stops with Momma. I also do not want her to grow up watching her role models smoke. 

2. FOR MY OWN HEALTH.

Cardiovascular disease runs in my family. I have anxiety enough as it is and I am constantly fearing cancer, heart attacks, and all of the other scary health problems that surface due to smoking and my experience with these things. I want to be there for S for as long as I possibly can and feel confident I am taking care of my body. 

3. FOR MY SELF-ESTEEM.

I am tired of hiding away in our home on weekends and chain-smoking during S nap times. I am tired of thinking about how this is the last year of my 20's and worrying about how I will age because of smoking and stress. I am tired of looking at myself as less-than in comparison to co-workers and family who don't smoke. I am ready to feel REALLY good about myself again.

4. TO FEEL BETTER AND HAVE MORE ENERGY.

I am exhausted 24/7 and always running on empty. I would get better sleep if I didn't convince myself I needed to smoke cigarettes one after another before bed. By smoking I am cutting my energy percentage down considerably and I'm ready for S to have a more awake and healthier mom. 

5. TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO FEEL FREE!

I do not currently see myself as a "smoker." I am often in denial because I go hours at work without smoking and binge-smoke when I get home. It feels like a dirty secret that I have and I am ashamed of. My parents don't know I smoke, only Brittney, Mitchell and a select other few do. Everyone else assumes I am smoke free. I am ready to actually live that truth. 

NEXT STEPS

1. BEGIN LOGGING ON SMOKE FREE EACH CIGARETTE YOU SMOKE AND THE TRIGGERS THAT INDUCED THEM.

2. IN THE DAYS BEFORE I QUIT- SEPARATE TRIGGERS FROM THE ACTION OF SMOKING. 

MY ALONE TIME

Stella's nap time- avoid smoking by cleaning, eating lunch, or taking a short nap. 

Night time- eat earlier, exercise earlier, shower earlier- before smoking. 

SNACKS AND WATER- veggies like carrots, gum, mints, water bottle.

3. STRATEGIZE ABOUT STRESS.

Meditation when you're overwhelmed by messy house or to-do list. 

Call someone. 

BLOG ABOUT IT.

SET DAY 1 WEEK FROM NOW AFTER CROWN PLACEMENT

MONDAY APRIL 19, 2021