A Beginning of the Month Brain Dump

 I'm Tired of Holding Myself Back

I feel stuck in a deep rut. I am not living life the way I truly want to. When I look back in time at now, I know I will see that I am not living in a way that honors myself, my happiness, and my joy. I am not living in a way that honors my child-self, the past Jess who had great dreams, who wanted to go places, who wanted to be happy. 

I'm tired of attempting a "new beginning" every other day of my life. I am tired of rushing towards a never ending finish-line, accomplishing "goals" that have no meaning to my happiness. I'm tired of waiting for the perfect time to do something about this crushing feeling. I'm tired of waiting to be a more perfect version of myself in order to do healthy things for myself. I'm tired of holding myself back from achieving things, accomplishing real and doable goals. I'm tired of looking out the window, trapped in my house, letting fear convince me of different reasons why "not today, don't go outside, stay inside." I'm tired of being afraid to be alone, being afraid to be alone with Stella, being afraid to drive, being afraid of dying. 

What's Next?

Mental Health

1. I am going to schedule a therapy session. Heartland Healing looks great, safe, relatable and the best part? I can walk there! I'm finally going to do something about this feeling that I need help, I need a second opinion, I need guidance. 

2. I am going to focus on living in the moment. Becoming organized with time in order to maximize the time I have to be happy. I am going to set firm boundaries for myself time-wise. 

3. I am going to edit the things I am exposed to daily that cause me anxiety - social media, news articles, fear-mongering TikTok videos. 

4. I am going to GO OUTSIDE.

5. I am going to exercise. 

6. I am going to set small, achievable goals for myself daily and weekly. And not beat myself up if I can't accomplish them immediately.

7. I am going to spend less money and spend more time doing things that don't cost anything!

8. I am going to set myself up for success as much as I can.