I'm Always Doing It Wrong

I think a huge barrier for me is my internal dialogue- the constant "chatter" going on in my brain telling me I'm doing everything wrong. This toxic chatter tells me that I'm unlikable, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not a good enough mom, it tells me that I don't deserve to be happy.

I came upon a revelation today realizing that this anxiety hailstorm that's been pelting down upon me for the past two weeks is triggered by something- hope. My hope for the future being ignited by my new career, more money, more time with S, more experiences, better savings, more security. Of course this hope should be dashed by my anxiety- in other words my brain telling me that I can't be happy or something bad will happen. I can't be truly happy or I self-sabotage.